'Not' Sausage Rolls

I've heard it said that people are either good at making cakes or they're good at making pastry. Well, to my shame, I have to tell you that I am completely rubbish at pastry; I've tried, believe me, but I think I'm just too heavy-handed and impatient. Pastry I've made in the past has been successfully used by the local council as paving slabs - I think you get my drift...! However, my lack of skill in the pastry department does not deter me; I just cheat and buy the ready made stuff - thank goodness for Jus-rol!

I make these little rolls every Christmas and they're brilliant, if I say so myself; the 'sausage' filling is a tweaked nut-roast recipe. I've never yet met anyone who doesn't love them - they disappear as fast as you can bake them!

They couldn't be easier to make and you can freeze them uncooked and bake as needed; I've taken to keeping a few in the freezer to whip out for a quick lunch. Served warm with some spicy chutney or a few olives, you can't go wrong; they're also nice for a summer picnic or lunchbox.

This post is especially for my lovely daughter-in-law. She knows who she is!

(Not...!) Sausage Rolls

1 large onion, chopped finely

2 tbsp olive oil
200g ground mixed nuts
100g grated mature cheddar
75g soft breadcrumbs
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp dried oregano (or any other herb you have to hand)
1 egg, beaten with 1 tbsp water
a 500g pack of ready-rolled puff pastry
a little milk

Fry the onion in the oil until softened and golden. Mix all the dry filling ingredients together in a large bowl, add the fried onion, then bind with the beaten egg and water. It may look and feel a bit dry but don't worry, it’ll be fine. Press the mixture together and roll it into three long sausage shapes. Cut the sheet of pastry into three equal strips and roll up the sausage shapes in the pastry strips, making sure that the join is underneath, dampen the edge of the pastry with a little milk and press firmly together. It'll be quite a tight fit to get all the filling in but with perseverance I usually manage it!

Cut the rolls into 3cm pieces and brush with milk, then bake on a greased baking tray at 200C for 15-20 mins. (I usually line the tin with baking parchment - it saves on washing up!)

If baking from frozen cook for 20-25 mins.

Here we go again... Round 2

                         Remember, remember the Fifth of November

                               Gunpowder, treason and plot 

                         I know of no reason

                               Why the Gunpowder Treason

                                        Should ever be forgot

Well, here we are... Lockdown 2.0, day 1 and Bonfire Night. Quite apt that both should fall on the same day; just a shame we don't have a modern day Guy Fawkes to hand who could sort out Parliament with a barrel or two of gunpowder...

Once again, we're all being prevented from seeing our friends and loved ones; we're effectively in prison even though we've done nothing wrong.

I am forbidden by British law from seeing my son. I know... it sounds utterly impossible, but that's where we are right now.

Truth be told, apart from not seeing the Troops, lockdown won't make a lot of difference to us - we've been nowhere much since the middle of March - but some poor souls are having to go through the pain, again, of having their livelihood whipped from under them. Quite how long the country can go on like this is anyone's guess. I dread to think of the state of people's mental health when this is all finally over... not that Boris or the NHS gives a toss.

Traffic volumes today are right down, it's a case of 'spot the car' - the only people out and about are delivery van drivers and lorry drivers.

Once again supermarkets are running out of certain items because stupid people insist on stockpiling stuff. Just what the hell are they doing with all those toilet rolls? Actually, no... don't bother, I'd rather not know!

Our usual dinner out before Christmas, euphemistically known as the "office party", is just one more thing in a long list that's cancelled this year. Our favourite restaurant emailed me today to say how sorry they are to have to close again, but they "...hope to welcome guests back before Christmas". I sincerely hope so too, but I have my doubts on two counts... will they still be in business and will we still be in lockdown?

My lovely neighbour texted me yesterday offering help with shopping if we need it during lockdown. How nice is that?

Regardless of all the Covid nonsense, we still have to make some sort of plan for Christmas; luckily I've managed to book a Waitrose slot for Sunday 20th. There may also be a small delivery from Bettys and perhaps a little something from Hotel Chocolat...!

Christmas Cake I

It’s that time of year again when Christmas cakes, puddings and mincemeat are on everyone’s mind. I'll post in a day or two about an alternative Christmas Pud and I’ve already made my mincemeat; so that just leaves the cake.

After making a cake every Christmas for about 30 (!) years, in recent years I haven’t bothered. We used to get to the middle of January and still have half a huge cake staring at us, so it kept getting thrown away. Trouble is, I really missed making a cake for Christmas; there’s something about it….soaking the fruit in brandy, grating the nutmeg, double lining the tin… all the silly little rituals that I absolutely love.

So this year I’ve made a cake once again! I’ve always made Delia’s recipe in the past, but I came across a recipe by Nigel Slater for 'A Small, Rich Fruitcake'; the word ‘Small’ jumped out at me…

I rarely follow a recipe to the letter (actually, I rarely follow recipes at all!) but in this case I broke the habit of a lifetime and did exactly as instructed. Things weren’t quite as small as I thought they’d be; in fact, there was so much mixture that I made two cakes in a 1lb loaf tin and a 15cm round tin! However, they look gorgeous and they smell just as they should….of Christmas.

I’m not a big fan of icing so I think I’ll just put a layer of marzipan on the top and then decorate with fruit and nuts and an apricot glaze. In the meantime my little cakes are tucked up snugly in an airtight tin in the pantry, being fed a little brandy from time to time just to keep them happy….


Incidentally, I have a plan to make Christmas last a bit longer this year - I’m thinking in terms of a foodie ‘Advent Calendar’ whereby we have a really nice little something to eat every day leading up to Christmas.

You see, even if you include Christmas Eve, there’s only three days in which to cram all that lovely food so, since there are far too many things I like, the best thing seems to be to spread it over a longer period.

It might be something along the lines of some lovely cheeses, crusty bread and pickles on the 1st; a mince pie and some mulled fruit punch on the 2nd; Not Sausage rolls and homemade chutney on the 3rd; a piece of Stollen with coffee on the 4th…..are you getting the idea?

If enough people spread the word I think this is something that could catch on….well, it certainly will in this house!

Ten Days 'til Christmas

Well, I haven’t posted for a fortnight, so I bet you think I’ve been sitting around doing nothing. Au contraire, mes amis.... the Christmas tree and decorations are up, the lights in the front garden are twinkling and I have also been very industrious in the kitchen. Although I haven't cooked anything new I’ve made a batch of Not Sausage Rolls, a batch of Cheese and Onion Mini Quiches, Christmas Red Cabbage, Mushroom and Sherry Sauce, Mushroom Duxelles for our Nut Roast Wellington and two batches of Mince Pies.

This little lot is all residing snugly in the freezer ready for dipping into when required, although I have to say the stock of mince pies is diminishing rapidly because Mr Simply Veg keeps eating them!

Much as I love food, food shopping is really starting to get on my nerves now; everyone seems to have gone into “I must buy as much food as possible - the shops are closed for one whole day” mode! Now, I confess I’m as guilty as anyone of stuffing the freezer and pantry to the gunwales at this time of year, but from the way some people are staggering out of the supermarkets, eyes glazed and trolleys heaving under the weight of food, you’d be forgiven for thinking they were preparing for a six month siege! What on earth do they do with all that food?

For a bit of light relief I think I might retrieve my Christmas cake from the depths of the pantry tomorrow and give it its festive topping of marzipan and dried fruit and nuts. This is the best bit about Christmas; all the nice foodie bits and pieces which make it special. It’s just the shopping I hate…

Vaccine? Not for me, thanks

Well, everyone seems to be hailing the imminent advent of a Covid vaccine. Everyone that is, except me. 

I'm not an "anti-vaxxer", individuals should do whatever they want, but there is no way on this earth I'll be having any such vaccine until it's undergone a hell of a lot more testing. I refuse to be an unpaid guinea pig for a drugs company.   

There's a reason it takes around 10 years to develop drugs and vaccines; it's the only way to establish what the long term effects may be. So if anyone thinks I'm being injected with something that's been around for five minutes, they're very much mistaken. Govt keeps trumpeting how safe it is, but if they're so sure of its safety why indemnify Pfizer, Astra Zeneca, etc. against lawsuits for damages? Just asking...

We're being given the sweetener that if we're good boys and girls and have the nice new shiny vaccine, we might... might... be able to hug our loved ones sometime next year....maybe. Naff off, Boris, and don't patronise me.

I saw that weasel Hancock on TV saying any vaccine will not be made compulsory but, like the rest of them in Westminster, he's a liar so I'll take it with a pinch of salt. They'll probably make it almost impossible to not have it by putting conditions on those who refuse. We'll see.

I'm so sick of this Covid business. I'm being eaten up with rage and resentment; I'm sure it's not good for me. Govt ministers are all running around like headless chickens when there's absolutely no need. I hope they never have a real crisis to deal with if this is the best they can do. Thank god there's not a war on.

Woke up this morning to rain absolutely hammering on the window - typical November weather. It then turned into brilliant sunshine and a cool breeze! I think the weather's confused and a bit tired and emotional, just like the rest of us.

Mr S-V has taken it into his head to give the hall a lick of paint so, while he was doing that this morning, I've been tidying up the freezer to make room for a few Christmas treats; I've already made some little Cheese and Onion Quiches and a batch of Not Sausage Rolls which are stashed safely in the frozen depths. Waitrose and Betty's can make the pudding, mince pies and cakes - there's a limit to how far my Christmas spirit will stretch this year... not very far at all, actually.

Mini Cheese & Onion Quiches

I’ve been trying to get ahead with bits and pieces of cooking for Christmas recently, so I’ve been doing a little something every couple of days. It’s not that I have masses of things to do, it’s just that I enjoy fiddling about and I like to spread the enjoyment over as long a period as possible!

Boxing Day chutney, red onion marmalade, mincemeat and cake are all sitting in the pantry, Not Sausage Rolls are in the freezer and today I made a batch of mini quiches, also for the freezer. They’re nice little bites, perfect for adding to a buffet, but also good for picnic lunches when the weather is a little less freezing!

I’ve already admitted to being rubbish at pastry, so needless to say I used ready-made; but if you’re better at pastry than me, use home made.

2 packs of ready-made shortcrust pastry
3 onions, peeled and thinly sliced
1 tbsp olive oil
100gm mature cheddar, grated
few sprigs of fresh thyme
3 eggs
200ml milk
black pepper

Saute the onions in the olive oil until very soft and lightly browned. Unroll the pastry and cut out circles to line 2 12-hole bun trays. Put a teaspoonful of the cooked onions in each pastry case, then top with a few thyme leaves and a sprinkling of grated cheddar. Whisk the eggs and milk together in a jug; fill each mini quiche almost to the top with this mixture then grind over a little black pepper.


Bake at 190C for 15 minutes until puffy and golden.

Allow to cool on a wire rack then freeze in a rigid plastic box. Reheat from frozen in a moderate oven for 10 minutes and serve warm.

Makes 24

Red Onion Marmalade

It’s a bit late now to start getting chutneys made up for Christmas – they generally need a good few weeks at least to mature, in fact I usually leave mine for a couple of months, but it isn’t too late to make up a quick batch of sublime red onion marmalade.

This stuff is truly addictive….rich, dark and flavoursome. Try it in a baguette with brie and rocket; with a chunk of mature cheddar and crackers; with Not Sausage Rolls; in a nut roast sandwich or a spoonful with a curry instead of mango chutney…I could go on! Just don’t blame me if you spend a fortune on lovely breads and cheeses to eat it with!

1.5kg red onions, thinly sliced
25g butter
700g light Muscovado sugar
200ml red wine vinegar
250ml red wine
50ml balsamic vinegar
1 tsp dried thyme

Put everything into a large heavy based pan, stir well and bring slowly to the boil. Turn the heat down and allow to bubble away gently, stirring occasionally, for at least 2 hours or until the onions are translucent and the liquid has reduced and turned into a gorgeous sticky syrup; no liquid should remain when a channel is drawn across the bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon (it may take up to 3 hours). Keep an eye on it and stir a bit more frequently towards the end of the cooking time or it may ‘catch’ on the bottom.

Pot up whilst still hot into hot sterilised jars and try to leave it for a couple of weeks before eating.

Makes 5 medium jars

Carrot and Sesame Burgers

The weather here is still perishing cold; snow, frost and ice are becoming a pain in the neck and I am sooo fed up with it!

We seem to have been living on cold weather food recently (soup, chilli sans carne, curry, etc.) but I fancied a little something for a change, so when I saw this GoodFood recipe it perked me up no end and sent me scurrying off to the kitchen to give it a go.

It’s a really easy recipe and very tasty. I used ciabatta rolls for serving, I don’t like commercially made burger buns and I couldn’t be bothered to make my own, they worked surprisingly well. If you want something to serve with your burgers I'd suggest some spicy potato wedges and mayonnaise, which is what Mr Simply Veg had with his. If we ever get a summer I think this mix could be used rather like falafel; rolled into little balls and baked instead of fried, served in soft flour tortillas with salad. It has to be worth a try.

I’ll just mention a couple of points…

The recipe says ‘serves 6’…well, I made eight enormous burgers with this and if I’d made them a more normal size I could probably have made ten! I packed the others up and put them in the freezer.

I added a couple of tablespoons of chopped coriander just because I happened to have some.

Next time I'd up the quantity of cumin in the recipe; it got a bit lost in the mix.

Take care when you're cooking the burgers; they have to be really well chilled and even then it’s a bit of a struggle to keep them together! If I was making them in the summer I wouldn’t attempt to cook them on a barbecue unless I used a griddle, but you may be braver than me.   

Tomato and Cranberry Relish

...or Tomato and Cranberry Chutney, if you prefer. I’ve decided to call it a ‘relish’ because it’s very slightly smoother than a chutney.

In terms of cooking, I love this time of year; it’s all about squirreling things away for the winter and having lots of nice bits and pieces to eat when the weather’s crabby and you don’t want to go out.

First off the blocks is a new addition to my preserving repertoire; the tomatoes break down during the long cooking to become really sweet and flavoursome whilst the cranberries give it a festive edge. I think it’ll be perfect for adding to a good chunk of bread and a wedge of Brie, a couple of Not Sausage Rolls or maybe a toasted sandwich (or three!)

Talking of tomatoes, I thought you might like to feast your eyes on some of our home-grown beauties. We’ve had such a good crop this year even though the weather hasn’t been great; I can’t believe we grew these stunners from the spindly little plants we put out in the garden in May.

Some people can see beauty in art, but I think I must be a philistine. However, I can see beauty in a basket of tomatoes…Does that make me weird? Yes... probably! To be honest I think there ought to be a law against anything looking this gorgeous!

150g red onions, thinly sliced

20g butter

1kg ripe tomatoes

25g garlic, peeled

25g root ginger, peeled

1 tsp cayenne

1 tsp salt

300g white sugar

300ml red wine vinegar

50g dried cranberries

Cover the tomatoes with boiling water, leave for one minute then peel, remove the cores, and chop roughly.

Put the ginger, garlic, cayenne, salt and a couple of tablespoons of the measured vinegar into a blender and blitz until slushy.

Melt the butter in a large wide pan, add the onions and sauté until softened but not coloured; add the tomatoes, garlic mixture, sugar and vinegar. Bring to the boil and simmer uncovered over a low heat for about two hours, stirring occasionally, until reduced and nicely thick. Add the cranberries for the last 15 minutes of cooking time.

Ladle into hot sterilised jars and leave for 6 – 8 weeks to mature before eating.

(I had a little taste on a spoon and can already tell this is going to be a winner!)

Makes 4 190g jars.

Roasted Butternut Soup

This is a really nice soup, very tasty and warming and such a lovely autumnal colour; we had some for lunch today after a couple of hours of raking up yet more leaves from the garden.

Despite my best intentions last week I didn’t get round to making this until the weekend because I’ve been trying to empty out the freezer a bit and, having found several frozen blocks of various soups lurking in there, I wanted to get those out of the way before making any more.

I’ve had a lovely clear out and a tidy-up of the freezer; it’s now ready for stacking with nice Christmassy bits and pieces plus a few things like mushroom duxelles and red cabbage which will both be needed on Christmas day. I also want to make and freeze some mince pies and I’ll probably make another batch of Not Sausage Rolls and a few cheese and onion quiches as well.

Maybe I used to be a squirrel in a former life – this is obviously my version of storing nuts for the winter!

1 large butternut squash
2 tbsp olive oil
4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
2 onions, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
2 sticks celery, chopped
few leaves of fresh sage
1.5l vegetable stock

Cut the unpeeled squash in half, discarding the seeds, and put into a large roasting tin; drizzle with half the olive oil and put the thyme leaves and whole garlic cloves in the seed cavity. Roast in a hot oven for 45 minutes until soft and just starting to brown at the edges.

Meanwhile, put the onions, carrots, celery, sage and remaining olive oil into a large saucepan and cook gently for 10-15 minutes until softened.  Add the stock and bring to the boil; simmer for 20 minutes until the veg are tender.

When the squash is cooked, scoop the flesh from the skin and add it to the stock along with the garlic squeezed out of its papery skin. Simmer for a further 5 minutes then blitz with a stick blender until absolutely smooth. You might need to add a bit more stock if it’s too thick.

Nice with a swirl of single cream or a blob of crème fraiche.

Makes 6 generous portions and freezes well.

The start of Christmas

Since I was here last we've lost Boris as PM (thank god!), lost Truss as the subsequent PM (she might have turned out to be ok but her MPs gave her the boot) and laughably, we now have the useless Rishi (why are his clothes too small?) as the third PM since the end of the summer. Don't ask...

Sadly, HM the Queen died at the beginning of September. At the age of 96 it wasn't a surprise but it was still a shock. Most people had never known this country without her as Monarch. It still seems strange.

Meanwhile, Covid has all but been forgotten despite the best efforts of the media and the NHS to keep it relevant; unsurprisingly, the NHS is continuing to use Covid as the best excuse it can find for being relentlessly useless. Nothing new there, then.

The scorching days of summer seem long ago. It's now winter, it's cold, the sun sets at around 4pm and Christmas is approaching at speed. There was even Christmas music on the radio today!

Our Advent calendars made an appearance this morning! I bought one for Mr S-V from Bonne Maman which has a dinky little jar of jam behind every door... how cute is that?! - and we've unearthed the decorations ready for their annual outing in a week or so.

Best of all, given that it's December the 1st, we've made a start on the "treats" drawer in the kitchen which is full of nice little bits and pieces to have with an afternoon cuppa; well, there's no way I'm waiting until Dec 24th before I dive into the goodies!

Today's little treat was a slice of stollen - I've never made one and I'm never likely to; why bother when Waitrose does them so well?

This year Waitrose and M&S will be doing most of the heavy lifting in the kitchen as mobility issues have become a bit of a problem for me. Kitchen chores have to be broken down into small chunks so I shall only be making the things I really want to. 

Obviously, that includes a Nut Roast Wellington for when The Troops come for lunch on Christmas Eve, and a tray of Not Sausage Rolls. No Christmas at this house would be complete without them! 

I've already made the usual batch of Freeze-ahead Roast Potatoes which really are the best thing since sliced bread; they're snuggled up in the freezer along with red cabbage and desserts from Waitrose.

I saw a nice recipe the other day for sprouts stir-fried with chilli and crème fraiche - I'd post a link if I could remember where I saw the damn thing!

As usual it will all creep up on me and I'll say, as I always do, that next year I'd like to do something different or maybe we could just ignore Christmas altogether. Then next year comes around... and off we go again!

Pop goes the weasel

Well, that was an interesting weekend, politically speaking. It's always nice to be proved right. I said Hancock was a jumped-up little weasel and a liar months ago... and I wasn't wrong. He's been caught out on camera kissing some woman in his office. Not his wife. Classy.

Not only did he cheat and lie to his wife and three children, he broke the Covid rules that he's so piously been preaching to the rest of us. The video of him groping his 'Parliamentary aide' was toe-curlingly awful - he's been forced to resign because rule-makers can't also be rule-breakers. Couldn't happen to a nicer (nastier?) bloke. It felt so satisfying to see him get his comeuppance.

Cheating on his wife and children is something for them to deal with... their business, not mine. I only care about the way his rules have changed our lives for the past 15 months. 

Businesses have been trashed, people have died without being able to spend time at the end with their loved ones, grandparents haven't seen their adult children and grandchildren; families have struggled desperately with the Draconian 'no visits' and 'no hugging' rules enforced in care homes... but, it seems, the rules didn't apply to the very person who made them.

The next time a Govt minister comes up with a damn fool Covid rule I'm supposed to follow - which they will when they invent another 'variant' this winter - I shall do as Hancock did... ignore it. 

Now, all we need to do is lose the idiot 'scientists', Whitty, Vallance, Van-Tam etc. who've been advising Boris, and we might be able to make some progress.

Weather not great today, overcast and grey mostly, so I spent some time in the kitchen making a double batch of Not Sausage Rolls - the last time we saw the Troops they completely cleaned me out of the stock I keep in the freezer!

Our wedding anniversary next week, sadly we won't be going out to lunch because I absolutely refuse to wear a mask. Another thing to lay at Matt bloody Hancock's door.

Black Bean and Mushroom Burgers

I’ve been feeling decidedly worse for wear for the last week; Mr Simply Veg and I have both had colds but, looking on the bright side, it’s been a good excuse to stay indoors and watch Wimbledon; not that I need any excuse! C’mon Andy – let this be the year!

Food for Wimbledon has to be quick, easy to prepare and capable of being eaten from a tray whist seated on the sofa in front of the TV – nothing that needs a knife and nothing with a sauce that will end up all over me and the furniture if the match gets exciting…!

On Friday afternoon, while I was waiting for Andy Murray to enter the fray again, I made up a black bean and mushroom burger mix and left it in the fridge to firm up a bit before cooking. It was all a bit “make it up as you go along”, but surprisingly tasty; an amalgam of the best bits of two or three other recipes to which I added a grated carrot and some of our herbs which are growing like crazy. Best of all, the burgers didn’t fall apart in the pan (yes, I know you've been there!) and I have the picture to prove it.
 
I was going to serve them in ciabatta rolls with some spicy wedges but the tennis was getting a tad intense so we finished up just having the patties with some of our new potatoes and Little Gem lettuces from the garden. A nice easy dinner and Andy won...what's not to like?

125g chestnut mushrooms
1 large onion
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tin black beans
100g wholemeal breadcrumbs
125g carrot, grated
2 tsp sun-dried tomato paste
1 tbsp oregano, finely chopped

1 tbsp parsley, finely chopped
black pepper
1 egg, beaten

a little olive oil for frying

Finely chop the onion and mushrooms and fry in the olive oil until golden. Set aside to cool.

Empty the beans into a sieve, rinse and drain well then put them in a large bowl and mash with a potato masher until broken down; add the rest of the ingredients and mix well with a fork. Cover and refrigerate for an hour.

Divide the mixture into four or six, depending on how large you’d like them to be, and shape into patties.

Fry for 8-10 minutes each side.

Advent Calendar 13

December 13th

Behind the door on this cold, miserable and foggy day is....

....a little treat of warm 'not' sausage rolls and red onion marmalade.